Everyone wants the perfect relationship. One that you can tell all your secrets to without
judgment. A partnership that is completely transparent. Two people who can be
vulnerable about their past without fear of their partner leaving them or looking at them
in an unfavorable way. You want a person who supports you unconditionally as you
divulge your deepest thoughts. That sounds great, but it’s not a reality for most. Being
who you truly are is scary. You are concerned they might not accept who you really are.
You’re afraid they might get turned off by some aspect of your personality. The truth is if
you can’t be the real you, you’re with the wrong person. It’s easier said than done.
Showing up as yourself takes time and years of healing. It requires experience. It
demands confidence to be unapologetically you. It’s a must to not care what people
think of you and to know that you’re amazing despite your uniqueness.
Let’s dive into parts of yourself that you hide in relationships.
1. Mental Health
There may be trauma that you haven’t unpacked. You could be triggered by a few things
that you haven’t learned how to cope with. Or maybe you haven’t discovered the root of
your feelings. Seek counseling to pull back the layers to find out why is beneficial.
Mental health is difficult to hide, but it’s possible to pretend that you’re feeling amazing
when you honestly feel very bad inside. Most women feel obligated to be the perfect
girlfriend who has one emotion – bliss. There are hundreds of sentiments people
experience throughout life as events happen. It is okay to go through the motions as
needed in front of your partner. If you have conditions such as anxiety or bipolar
disorder, your partner ought to know. You should share your medications and
symptoms of episodes for when you may need help. Let them know the proper steps to
take in various scenarios. Allow them to support you just as you can when times get
Everyone has fiscal mistakes they’re not proud of. Who doesn’t have credit cards in
collections or defaulted loans? As you get older and make more money, it’s ideal to make
better financial decisions. Every relationship gets to a point when you all need to
exchange a snapshot of your finances. Although it’s a sticky matter, couples should know
each other’s salaries, cost of monthly bills, amount of debt and so on. Are you a saver or
a spender? Is Target your happy place or Amazon your bestie? Don’t store those bags in
the back of the closet. Without this knowledge, they don’t understand your logic behind
decisions as you decide to merge your lives. Sometimes your choices bother them and
make them see you in a different light where they believe you’re not financially
responsible. They want to learn the in’s and out of how you move to decipher if they
want to continue to grow with you. And you should do the same. Nobody wants a bae
that can’t maturely take care of their business.
As females, we’ve all been insecure about physical appearance. A little extra weight or
skin breakouts could make you want to cover up. In essence, you’re pushing your
partner away. Nine times out of ten, they love your physique. Many of them could care
less about stretch marks, dark spots, or extra curves. That’s why they’re attracted to you
because you rocked your confidence and felt comfortable in your skin. Stop being
intimate in more clothes or darkness to conceal your beauty. When you accept your
body, flaws and all, they will too. Let them embrace them with you.
They are attracted to you for more than looks. Your brain is the most beautiful part of
you. Goddesses are multi-faceted. You’re awesome! Some women have a tomboy side
who loves sports. Other women have a nerdy side who craves books and research. If you
have a goofy side, let it out! They will think your quirkiness is cute. From being down-to-
earth to high maintenance, be you! They ought to love you when you wake up with no
makeup on and a scarf to when you’re dolled up. So wear your sweats and oversized t-
shirts whenever you want. They’re sure to appreciate your everyday casual style. Watch
your guilty pleasure TV shows and movies you assume they may think is weird. Be
proud to be different.
Your aspirations professionally are normally the first thing people discuss. Ambition is
sexy. But do they know your personal goals? Dig deeper. It’s great for you to be fearless
to share your hopes and dreams of whatever you want to do – whether it’s starting a
business, having kids, traveling, or buying a house. Keep going and exchange your
preferences for your relationship. Do you believe in marriage or a life partner? Be clear
about the direction you want your partnership to go, even if they don’t agree. You should
never settle or sacrifice your goals for anyone.
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship. Your identity becomes foreign. You don’t
recognize yourself. Muster up the courage to speak freely about your feelings, concerns,
wants, and desires. Your values and ethics have to remain the same. Allow yourself to be
unique and quirky. When you’re struggling emotionally, be vulnerable and lean on your
boo. Trust your gut and never silence yourself. Enforce your boundaries to sustain self-
respect and to receive respect. Prioritize self-care and maintaining your mental health.
Show up and show out!