Love is a drug, whether people like to admit it or not. It makes people act differently when it’s in the air. People do things they’ve never done before for their special someone. Love is blind. Somehow it makes you lose common sense and maybe some of your boundaries.
Love addiction causes a person to obsess over a loved one. The addict creates an unhealthy behavior pattern that expresses excessive interest towards a romantic partner. This is not the same as having a sex addiction. A love addict needs that person in their life, instead of wanting that person. People will stay in toxic and destructive relationships when they’re addicted. Even when people are abused, love addiction makes them remain in a bad and dangerous situation.
Love addicts put their partner’s needs before theirs. The addicts do anything to please their partner beyond what’s normal in a partnership. There is no give and take and the addicts give their all to ensure the relationship is a success. This type of addiction is based on the belief they are incomplete if they’re not in a relationship.
Love addicts equate their happiness when their mate provides it, rather than looking within for love. Usually love addiction stems from childhood trauma that consisted of abandonment or neglect. The addicts overcompensate in hopes to avoid being left alone. Being single is the worst thing that can happen to them as their world revolves around a relationship. It’s as if a relationship defines them and makes life worth it.
When a love addict finds themselves overdoing the obsessive behavior, they transform into a love avoidant person. This is the person who doesn't allow anyone to get too close. They’re emotionally unavailable and create distance at anyone’s attempt to encourage vulnerability. The thought of their boo trying to break down their walls to let them in scares them. Their anxiety goes through the roof, resulting in more stress. The love avoidant won’t be comfortable at the fear of becoming emotionally involved with someone. The more their partner tries to have an in-depth relationship, the more the love avoidant pushes them away. The distance is a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with their emotions.
A love avoidant intentionally places barriers around their heart to protect themselves from turning into an emotionally available person. They reject their partner, reducing or eliminating emotional intimacy. A love avoidant despises being perceived as vulnerable or open. They also put the relationship on the back burner by doing other activities without their partner. This increases the distance. This comes in the form of spending time alone, working overtime, or hanging out more with friends.
When their partner reaches their wit’s end, they may get direct and ask the love avoidant what’s the deal. When the avoidant person is backed up against a wall, they shut down. They can’t talk about how they’re feeling and refuse to open up. The love avoidant has a hard time expressing their emotions and translating their feelings. Of course, this approach results in them being defensive. They won’t make it easy for their partner to discover their authentic self.
The love avoidant continues to push and push until their bae gives up. Once a love avoidant is left alone, they breathe a sigh of relief. They’ve successfully avoided another attempt to let their partner love and support them. Love avoidants are in constant denial and may have a short temper when emotions are on the line. They make connecting with their partner difficult or nearly impossible.
Now that you understand the difference between love addiction and love avoidance, let’s dive into how not to fall into these categories.
Trust is scary, it’s raw, but it’s possible. Learning to trust yourself first is key. Reach down and find your confidence. Walk with your head high to believe that you are amazing and can overcome your trauma. Always seek help with a therapist who can provide you with the proper tools to guide you on this journey. Trust the process.
Learn how to be single. Take yourself on dates. Treat yourself to spa days. Get comfortable in your own skin. Who cares who is watching? Don’t feel awkward as you do activities alone. Over time, you will not care about the looks and silent whispers of your anxiety. Redefine what it means to be single. Being single is not a circumstance, it is a choice boo.
Concentrate on discovering what a healthy relationship looks like. Your therapist
can also help in this department. A good relationship has mutual respect, trust,
and effort. A strong partner encourages you to be vulnerable naturally by creating
a safe and nonjudgmental space. They won’t criticize you or make you feel unwanted. They will share their feelings too and be an active listener to your fears and needs. A great relationship has safe boundaries with positive communication. Transparency builds trust and lowers your walls around your emotions. You are lovable.
Keep your cat eye on the signs of love addiction and love avoidance. Make sure you’re healed before you jump into a relationship. Count on yourself to make better decisions. Start believing that you are enough. Self-love is the best love. Someone else’s love is simply a bonus. You don’t need a relationship to live your best life. Don’t forget that you are the sh*t!